International Journal of Mental Health. I never expected to be a second wife. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. The newlyweds moved to Soweto where they started a family after Nomqondiso died. Its not a series of glittering evenings drinking martinis in smoky bars. Marriage Counseling vs. King MT. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. Tandler N, Petersen LE. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. These reasons are in line to some extent with the current outcomes as infertility and having only female children was also one of the major factors for polygamous marriage. Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. Lateron, both married. The main strength of this study is that it provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Why is it higher the second time around? Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. 2 Meet other future spouses. She should approach him first and address the issue, Maphalala suggests. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. Accepting polygamy does not make. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). Every possibility seems available to them. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. It was a love marriage. Now the first wife has no say. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. The findings were consistent may be due to cultural and religious resemblance because Al-Krenawi and his colleagues conducted their study in Arab states. The world is their oyster. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. When people. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. You constantly feel that your partner knowingly or unknowingly puts his previous family before you and your needs. Polygamy.com. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. My husband has two wives . 2016; 22(3): 272-286. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. The co-wives were approached from their homes. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. It doesnt mean that it wont last. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. Minor clashes are part of life to her. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. Accepting being a second wife can be challenging for those who are considering polygamy. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". She also explained, "I never made differences among children". Then there are the kids. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. 3. Image from The Star. And a leading women's group is applauding . It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Can I marry second wife? Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. A lady was working in front of her husbands' clinic and usually visited the clinic. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. Ibn Qudamah writes: But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. When she asked her husband, he refused to accept it. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. 6. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? 4. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." Table 1: Frequency of co-wives for infertility, only female children, love marriage and family pressure as reasons of polygamous marriages (n=11). And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. She said that she and her husband was working in the same organization. It is an option. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. However, several limitations exist. In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. Life as a co-wife wasn't easy for Cecilia; she started being mistreated by the second wife. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). "If it's mostly. Eleven women participated in the study. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. composed of two imperfect people. It was an arranged marriage. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. disadvantages of being a second wife islamirina emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by Though plural marriage is banned in developed courtiers, it is surprisingly common, and popular, that 55% of the women share their husbands in developed countries while an average of 16% of women in less developed nations. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . She was blended with her husband by love marriage. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. Archives of Women's Mental Health. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Could be many factors, but since a person in the marriage has already gone through a divorce, the option seems available and not as scary. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. Stanford University Press. She was living with her husband first 10 years of her marriage. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. Thats life. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". The Journal of Social Psychology. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. Invest in the future today. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. But over the years, as we get in our 30s and 40s, we mature and realize that life just happens, no matter if you plan for other things. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Reviewed by Lybi Ma. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. 5. Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. She does not have an apartment . The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. CNN . For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. It could have been the man's problem too. What's popular and why. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . 1. Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife.
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