Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. We have one or two in here! We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Large mahogany desk.. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Only one. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Rodrigues there? Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Caller: OK. 11. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Me: No, I dont. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. 33. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? This is really good, he said. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Did you make it all by yourself? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Read more. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. As A.J. An airplane! Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. 15. Caller: Sgt. 9. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. 44. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Altitude is life insurance. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Why Do We Celebrate It? He is the Founder and . In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Now he likes peanuts.. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Later, I spoke with Mom. 13:30 comes and goes. We are directly under the moon.. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Full Disclosure Here. Air Traffic Control 6. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Its a NO FLY zone! Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Why Do We Celebrate It? Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". You can see why: Baltimore, said Dad. He finally comes dragging in at. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. 35. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. SUB sandwiches! Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 54. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. How tough? You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". I'm impressed! I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. SUB sandwiches! Landings are mandatory. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. What did you do? You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. March forth! On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Want more amazing military jokes? Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Then one day I couldnt find it. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas She also liked her scotch. Aviation Humor. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country..
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