Lastly, I'm so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide . Things like going for ice cream. I can look back on those time I was forced to go mini golfing with my dad and smile, because I know how happy it made him, and I always ended up having fun, too! Others see him as a bully and a hole. No matter what state the person is in, he or she may face criminal prosecution of drunk driving when behind the wheel with a confirmed blood alcohol content of 0.08 percent or higher as the national limit. In that instance, it is terrible timing and the dad should have listened to Indie when he came in in an emergency and the dad should have helped then and done the latin lesson later, but if that was a normal day home from scouting, then good for dad, because indie totally used that information later in life, even though it was annoying (and seemingly aloof) of his dad to be so demanding. I watched a show about what would happen if aliens were discovered, and I know there are some about how realistic certain science fiction shows are. Eating vegetables or just trying any new food? Then ice cream after. (There was plenty of that too, but I felt like dismissing my nerdy interests hit the hardest because I felt like science-fiction, fantasy, history, video games and books taught me a lot of personal lessons about life, loss, and persevering. And they never put down my interests (which at the moment are the same as the LWs). One of these people is an adult and one of these people is twelve. Really truly. Whether it be balance sports with history, Buffy with science, it doesnt matter. It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm, Finding out the music my parents listened to opened up my eyes to who they used to be. bittergaymark I watched it when I was a kid. But what I really remember is my dad listening to me tell him about whatever I was interested in. By myself, though. July 2, 2013, 12:46 pm. My dad really, really loves talking about the 60s, and some aspects of it, like the space race, I care about but dont really find compelling enough to discuss, but other parts, like the JFK assassination, Im fascinated by, so we talk about that a lot, along with the Civil Rights movement and what it was like to watch (he was there! Also have to add that her father probably doesnt realize it, but at that age I felt like criticism of what I took an interest in was equal to criticism of myself. painted_lady Neither father or daughter should make disparaging remarks about the other and you shouldnt make disparaging remarks about your husband. bittergaymark Great suggestion! lbh based on the LWs description do you really think this is the same as your experience? I dont know that I really have a favorite anymore I just like that theyre together again. This can cause a lot of tension in the family. July 2, 2013, 11:57 am. However, if you do decide to stay together, know that its possible to overcome this obstacle and build a strong family bond. Saying his mom walked out because he hates him. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Is It My Fault If My Partner And Daughter Dont Get Along? Your biggest enemy when your spouse is driving you crazy is proximity. Over time, you may have begun to feel a little desperate, wondering if there wasnt some sort of underlying game going on. If your H has strong BPD traits, his child-like behavior is easy to explain because his emotional development likely is frozen at about age four. July 2, 2013, 12:57 pm. lets_be_honest I recommend that the LW keep a very close eye on this. Other times it means standing up for yourself and telling both sides what you think. A parent who can laugh at themselves when they mess up, and teaches the kid to laugh at themselves and to see the humor without feeling attached is key. My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). TV Review: Hitler diaries show fake news didn't begin with the internet, Notorious prisoner Charles Bronson to face public parole hearing, Big Issue seller numbers up due to cost-of-living pressures, says founder, Watch for the April 5 investment tax change, Preparing for a future sale of your business, Tom Allen is Completely committed to comedy and 'Auntie Glo', Weekend Q&A: ran Clarke from NI Opera's Nobody/Somebody, Mary Kelly: Unionists' tendency to turn a gift horse into a tin of dogmeat is legendary - and their Westminster chums are getting fed-up with it. And of course. I must just not be seeing things clearly. I was/am (?) By contrast, my dad wanted me to play softball and had no interest in the books I used to read. findingtheearth Finally, try to model the behavior you want to see from your husband and daughter. But it was annoying. And I dont think that tv shows a mature, intelligent adult would watch necessarily means they are good shows to watch. So is telling your daughter that the things she listens to or your conversations are annoying. When they are able to see the effect it has on the ones they love without being seen as intending to harm, they are surprisingly willing to change. Which sort of circles back to point that even if this dad doesnt connect with his daughters interests, he really should make an effort. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. If anything, his dislike for it will help it belong to her more fully as she learns to separate herself from her parents. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. Actually, we dont know this girl but based on this letter, I think that the father is very concerned that she isnt well rounded. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. He needs to learn to be a bit more respectful of his daughters choices and to compromise which would be modeling good behavior for his child to learn. She didnt even have to lock me in the basement. My best friend is in that episode! By all accounts this 12 year old has healthy, varied, age-appropriate interests and Im not sure why dad cant serve a little honey with his vinegar. I literally didnt know that the wonders of Classic Rock existed until I got to college. Though they might not always like what they hear or see, they are not typically faced with unexpected surprises or unpredictable outcomes. But the problem here is not that the daughter dislikes her dads interests. Its a source of strength, comfort, and love. Yeah, in retrospect, it probably would have been better for me to join a team sport I actually wanted too, but 7th grade me was too shy to do it. We try to make it fun and do it as a family (not go to your room and read 3 Nat Geo articles and I want a full report) and often make games of it. If his dad had listened when my husband wanted to talk when he was a boy, perhaps my husband would listen to his dad now. You didnt cause the problem, and you cant fix it. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. One thing that works is to invite a friend along because then she looks forward to the activity and has fun and at the same time she is still interacting with parents. Instead of a camping trip they could go for a bike ride together, with a friend, or walk a trail in a local park. Most of which are tucked away out of sight. He let us put makeup on him. That means the communication isnt effective and it may be that your husband has to hear this from someone outside the situation. I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. I dont think that as a parent, you are required to indulge in things you dont approve of. Did we always get along? Its great because its competitive but also forces cooperation (you need to trade for resources to gain points in the game). You shouldnt belittle her hobbies because shes more cultured than you , lets_be_honest Who knows? NIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE RESPONSE, WENDY! Yes, I know firsthand how much some Buffy fans just need to shut up about that blasted show. The problem is, he's never been able to relate to them and, even when he does talk with them, he causes an argument or upsets them. Should A Parent Love Their Child More Than Their Spouse? I totally get it, but shes just got to snap out of it and team up with Dad. And with Netflix and Hulu and all that jazz, getting all caught up on Buffy and Firefly and Star Trek and other shows that are ancient history with most of todays teens, is not all that hard. Dad was self-centered and pretty vain. He needs to make some fundamental changes to his behaviour. More of a this is silly than yall are stupid eye roll. When you did actually accurately zero in once in a while, you may have thrived enough on the intermittent reinforcement to hang in for subsequent disappointing rounds. Counseling could help because communication is an issue here because no matter how much youve talked about it nothing has changed. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this difficult situation. I know you said you dont want to hear about counseling and your problem isnt communication, but really? I AM going to say, though, that they are a *substantial* part of why all of that happened. Of course its going to drive her away from him. Remember, your relationship with your spouse should come first. I know I did. "If your family don't want to see both of you . It stated in the letter that the daughter does try to be accommodating. Otherwise, how are kids going to learn tolaugh at themselves? The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. July 2, 2013, 11:17 am, Skyblossom When I was a kid, I shared a lot of interests with my mom, too, and not as many with my dad. (To be fair, I tried a couple of months ago when we started dating, but i couldnt understand a word during the fight scene, it was late and there was another 1.5 hours, so he turned it off so I could give it my full attention next time.) It actually kind of rocks once you get passed the first 20 mins (or watch them with subtitles). But it can get super boring waiting for that to happen. Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger. Haha, are you saying I should stop saying that listening to Taylor Swift on repeat is annoying? My plan is to lock mine in the basement and bribe her into going to a local college. lets_be_honest Without respect there will be no relationship. Theres no excuse for that. As a result, she may start to rebel and act out, which can eventually drive her away from her family. lets_be_honest Theres even more scripted shows re: that sort of thing. On a side note, two weekends ago I went on a family camping trip. Instead, try to understand why they are pulling away and what you can do to support them during this time. My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. Also, at what point does the LW start to teach her daughter that she should stand up for herself and her interests hate to think about the precedent being set that we must always cowtow to the man of the house. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? Is it forcing or is it parenting? A highly critical parent or parents, resulting in a high sensitivity to being judged on performance. What kind of history and science is your husband into? You're surely not alone. I feel like the mother may be inadvertently teaching the daughter that its OK to make it all about yourself. He also occasionally went to movies with us. painted_lady I am a nurse who works night shifts, and I have a working son, 21, and student daughter 20. my husband and their father died 3 years ago, and I have been working steadily. If shes expected to learn to take an interest in HIS hobbies, its fair that the same be expected of him every so often. (Kept me sane), Astronomer I would suggest, while lending an ear to her feelings about her father, gently suggesting she go to him and tell him, without whining or accusing (I dont know that she does either, but I know that tends to shut people down) how his rejection of her makes her feel. Rather than the lover-partner-wife-prized companion to be loved and cherished and lavished with attention slot. Intimate partners count on each other to maintain a sane interaction. If he feels like thats going to impede their time together, then fine, youre off the hook. You dont have to love Justin Bieber and Broadway to just ask the kid why she loves it so much. Tell you husband to ease up a little bit. Of course the fights will get worse as she challenges boundaries and pushes back against his authority. I agree Dad needs to work on himself and his approach, but Mom definitely does too. (even though his tone and demeanor sound indefensively harsh, cruel and mean.). But how are they supposed to co-parent and guide this young girl into being a productive young woman if the LW is only addressing her own behavior and attitudes? First and foremost, of course, is the safety of your children. Trust that Mark would have PLENTY to say if someone wrote in replacing Buffy with sports. Copyright 2023 The Relationship Notes.Privacy Policy . And my husband tried; he can shoot bow and arrow (his dads favorite) very well, can recognize animal tracks, knows a number of out-doorsy tricks.it was never good enough. He would watch Full House or something with us. So I was just assuming it happened similarly for LW and her daughter. Im just saying that indicates very little to me. In all honestly though, I call up my dad now to hear about all of the new great bands out there! July 2, 2013, 11:53 am. Um, not so much. We garden and cook together, and sometimes share favorite TV shows. Navigating a situation like this can be difficult, but its important to do what you can to resolve the conflict. And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. I know from personal experience. Youve talked about this over and over and your husband still interrupts your conversations because they annoy him? I helped with yard work. That sounds awful, Im, so sorry. Youre bonding with your daughter at the expense of the relationship with your husband. It will also probably be more effective if you can get your children to stand alongside you, at least during the initial intervention and I realise that will be hard.