carnac the magnificent curses

If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. http://www.torchweb.org/torah_detail.php?id=470, torchweb@gmail.com Youre the straight man. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. Shriver. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. the Denver Nuggets. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. share. [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Get Image Page 1 of 4 A: Head and shoulders. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. you? Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. ANSWER: Gatorade. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! the audience will cheer. CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. Q: Where should you address all your mail? Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. be sending Georgia soon? The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? A: "Hi diddly dee." The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? hope chest. knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? Murine? A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. violence? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. The Question: Name three famous puppets. A: Once is not enough. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Screenkey. envelopes. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. One? Commissary. Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? lizard. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. A: Igloo. Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." A: The Newlywed Game. A: Trapper John. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. a #2 mayonnaise CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. A: Flyswatter. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? . I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Only this curse was not humorous at all. Line: 479 Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. Click here to be a writer! Gotta be dickory? Here's how it played out on air. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Carnac The Magnificent undated. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! cleanup team? Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. The book is {\it May You! Inning. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. I forgot aboutyour total recall. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . | Replica prop, Johnny carson, Johnny Explore Men's Fashion Men's Accessories Men's Hats Uploaded to Pinterest Johnny Carson Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? A: "Rose Bowl." CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? A: Gatorade. . [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. Related Topics. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. Watch now: Free with ads. A: Madame Kitty. Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. puppies and red-eye gravy. Towering Inferno. A: Pot luck. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! Q: What's the major cause of divorce? The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. "You Light Up My Life.". car industry. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. A: Eight is enough. Feel free to laugh, but beware! Carnac the Magnificent was a comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. promises. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. A: De-frost. No more years! Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. A: 2001. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". A: Earth, Wind and Fire. "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck.